Why do people hate fashion bloggers? Part 3 / Maybe because they eat organic lettuce, but pretend they’re twisted weird Satanist junkies.

Another gem I found in the mangrove and cats swamp we call “the Internet”.

Here are 20 signs (both real and really silly) that you’re a real fashion blogger:

• Your blog contains at least 60% original photography
• Each blog post you create contains at least three full sentences of text
• Your smart phone camera roll is 90% pictures of things you’ve worn or bought
• Even if you don’t live there, you tend to dress for New York City
• You judge other bloggers based on who’s on their blogroll
• To you, the blogroll is like sacred internet real estate – a privilege, not a right
• Your blog isn’t just reblogs
• Your Tumblr is more than just images, or is just supplemental to your full site
• You’ve turned down a PR pitch because you knew it didn’t fit with your blog’s identity
• When any social plans come up, your first thoughts are: “Can I blog about this?”
• Sometimes you feel like an outfit wasn’t worth wearing unless someone liked it on Instagram
• You will not apologize for occasionally feeling closer to your internet friends than your real life friends
• Your blog does not play music
• Your Twitter handle is some version of your blog’s name, not your actual name
• Choosing your iPhone case was more difficult than picking your prom dress
• Your blog’s Facebook page has more “likes” than you have Facebook friends
• When getting dressed in the morning, your outfit arranges itself like a Polyvore set in your mind’s eye
• Shoes. Just, so many shoes.
• You can spot a Rebecca Minkoff bag from 3 blocks away
• In your vernacular, “Nasty Gal” is not a derogatory term for a woman with a certain way about her

Now, that’s a quite comprehensive list of “Commandments for aspiring Prophets”.

The last point is quite interesting, as today’s kids looooove to use derogatory terms and offensive behaviours but with a cat-and-mum-friendly twist.

The key concept is: good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

Lol.

Basically, then, the key concepts that define the contemporary “nasty gal” / fashion blogger are: badass and weird.

Lol.

From Mummy’s Girl to Extreme In Ya Face Badass.

Even if it’s obvious that you use 47 skin products a day, and you’ve never even see a picture of a “spliff” in your own life, just wear the right gear, and you’ll look like a nasty Satanist, who drinks blood in china bone tea sets.

It’s the Beautiful and Damned, but no sugar, please, the Light version, the watered-down junkie, the creep with the freshly done manicure.

Be bad, be bold, be anarchic, be rebellious. I HATE EVRYONE, society, politicians, my flatmates, authority, unicorns and Prada for not inviting mr to their last fashion show and Starbucks because they don’t serve the Vainilla Strawberry Ice Frappuccino anymore.

A Slayer t-shirt (by Topshop), perfect for the Rock Chic look.

Wait a sec, Slayer? The band who has ‘been accused of holding Nazi sympathies, due to the band’s eagle logo bearing resemblance to the Eagle atop swastika and the lyrics of “Angel of Death”, inspired by the acts of Josef Mengele, the doctor who conducted human experiments on prisoners during World War II at the Auschwitz concentration camp, and was dubbed the “Angel of Death” by inmates’?

The Satanist-inspired group responsible for albums such as – among others – Diabolus in Musica, God Hates Us All, Christ Illusion, World Painted Blood?

Yep. Fortunately, she doesn’t know much about it. Lol.

“Nazis? Lol. xxx”

“SHOW ME YOUR TITS”

“Hell yeah, kill the bankers! Wait, would my AmEx still work if we get rid of them pigs?”

The “OMFG I’m so weird” thing.

Yes, you are so weird, a beautiful freak, a perfect synthesis of Kafka, Rothko and Linda Evangelista.

Lol.

“I’m a LOSER – I wish I was like the guy who cleans my swimming pool and waxes my Bentley. Simple life, real people, no problems”.

What do you think?

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