‘Old Hare Krishna got nothing on you
Just keep you crazy with nothing to do
Keep you occupied with pie in the sky
There ain’t no guru who can see through your eyes
I, I found out!
I, I found out!’
John Lennon, “I Found Out”
1. Twitter Gurus, social media Shamanism, and Nigerian scammers
Yes, they still exist. Yes, they still sell impossible dreams for cheap. Yes, thousands still swallow the bait.
Among many other funny Twitter followers, I spotted this one, the other day: ‘Market the best Online Business – I give away FREE money and receive FREE money!’
He gives away FREE money. And he’s got 10k followers.
Here’s the Twitter profile pic.
Email Shamans are pretty popular as well:
‘We build CMS and E-Commerce websites based on ready-made designs and features to keep costs low and give you a nice looking website in just 7 working days for an unbeatable price of $99 only.’
An eCommerce website in just 7 working days, for $99 only. I’m in!
What about the good old Nigerian style scam?
‘Subject: Very Important Call Me 00233540338089
It is my pleasure to firstly introduce myself to you: I am Alfred George I inherited a company from my late father and I am looking for a partnership component abroad Nopolex Gold Fields Ltd. We have capability of producing between 250-350 kilos of alluvial gold dust monthly and have available now in stock about 250 kilos AU gold dust for sale to any prospective buyers.
The product available below:
Commodity Au gold dust (unrefined)
Quality: 22+ carats
Price: 38,500 per kilo (Negotiable)
Packaging: in metal boxes
Shipment: shipment will carried out by a reputable shipping agent at the Kotoka international airport (KIA)
Terms and conditions: In as much as I intend to establish a cordial business relationship with you, Interested buyer will have to arrange and come down to Ghana for inspection on our products, take a random sample for test at the government geological survey department, having been satisfy with the assay report, buyer/ seller will then sign (sales and purchase contract/ agreement).
Hence, buyer will assist seller with not more than 10% of the total value of the stock to enable seller procure the necessary shipping documents and other government taxes.
I shall be grateful to furnish you with any further information’s that you meant require after hearing from you and shall consider it a privilege doing business with you to foster a cordial and long-lasting relationship between both parties.
Kindly send your information’s for easy communicate.’
Below, a photo a scammer will send to a distrustful potential customer, to prove he’s a real person and a serious professional.
The bottom line is: ‘#wanna make #millions #working from #home? Mother of three earns $846 A DAY!’
2. Dead social media accounts
So, some Twitter Guru told you your brand simply can’t avoid Pinterest, AKA the hottest platform around. You NEED it. You start an account, then you leave it there, sad and malnourished.
Remember when you saw that Lambretta rusting to death in someone’s garage, and you felt like it was unfair and bad and sad and I wouldn’t do it to such a beautiful piece of art and so on? The same thing happens too often, even when it comes to successful and well-know brands. Look at Patrizia Pepe’s Pinterest.
Once again, the truth is: no Pinterest is better then bad Pinterest.
3. Egomaniac, self-obsessed, Hubris-driven brands on Facebook
‘Check this out, it’s US!’
‘WE are here, WE are there, here’s Sharon Stone wearing OUR creations, there’s Leo Messi sporting OUR tuxedo’
‘OMG WE are so cool you HAVE to adore us’
Is it called “social media” for a reason, right? You heard about key concepts such as “conversation”, “two-way”, “customer is king”, “lifestyle” and so on and so forth? It doesn’t look like you did, when the only thing you talk about is yourself.
Dolce & Gabbana’s Facebook page is quite a good example of this wrong attitude.